Very nice summary of the questions 20ST has about life. I feel very strongly that media (of all types) influence 20ST to be pursuing the wrong things. Life is so much easier when shared, behind every great man or woman there is likely a spouse that has helped them achieve more than they could do alone. The very foundations of future wealth and success are often set in the 20ST group if they apply themselves and learn skills that will help them throughout life. This is a great summary for 20ST to read and not preachy, not TLDR. If we could disengage the lie that college equals success we could avoid sending teenagers down a path of crippling debt that prevents them from achieving their best and most prosperous future.
Absolutely! Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
Re: college and student debt, I used to be a career coach for a university. It was sad to see how many students were graduating with $200K in debt and were never taught what kind of careers they could pursue - let alone relevant life skills.
Brilliant observations. I sent it to my 24-year-olds. We have generations paralyzed by endless options and terrified of making mistakes. There's a certain perfectionistic quality to this mindset that says, "until I can be 100% sure this will work, I'm not going to commit." The net result is a failure to commit and lack of resilience, leading them to jump ship whenever obstacles arise in hopes of finding something more 'perfect' when they land. Let's also not forget the value of investing (including in property) and limitations to starting a family too late in life. Biology and compounding interest win in the end.
I'm 28.5, have been married for 6.5 years, and together, my husband and I have two sons, ages 4 and 2. That's a LOT of commitment.
The media screams at me every day that I've wasted the best years of my life. Do I choose to believe it? No. But I'm not going to lie; it's incredibly wearing. I have to actively remind myself that I've made good decisions, good will come of it, and that my happiness trajectory will likely be much more steeply upward than the vast majority of my peers as we all age.
And even now, the evidence supports that.
My husband and I have started six-plus businesses together, several of which have been successful, and they've now footed the bill for us to both pursue our dreams as an author (me) and a speaker (him.) We have the flexibility to support each other in ways other couples only dream of. We own a $460,000 home.
In our late twenties.
By all metrics, we are wildly, absolutely, insanely successful. We've struggled. We've sacrificed a ton. And it's so wonderful to be reminded (for once!) that not only is it all going to be worth it, but it's worth it NOW!
Thank you Caitee, I'm glad this provided some much-needed validation! My wife and I also started having children young, and indeed it is wearying. But we'll get to share many more years of life together!
Thank you for expressing this crucial developmental point in a concise and friendly way. I'm 28.5 and experience intense daily anxiety as a result of flip-flopping between options since graduating from engineering school in 2019, which the pandemic contributed to, but ultimately it's a result of avoiding the discomfort of picking an imperfect option and persevering despite the unavoidable uncertainty and ambiguity. My life would be going much smoother if the value of commitment had been realized sooner but that didn't happen until I watched the excellent film The Worst Person In The World (highly recommended for readers in a similar boat) - the only way to learn properly is by making mistakes, for better or worse.
Best of luck to anyone else struggling to find a purpose amid daily distractions in the most overstimulating society in history
The biggest problem here is that commitment is increasingly seen (and of course has long been seen) as a rigid binary, all or nothing, when it is really more of a spectrum in practice. That, and there is also a big difference between one's early 20s versus mid to late 20s.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with exploration per se, but there can indeed be too much of a good thing.
Interesting article. I would add that there seems to be an interesting paradox: the lack of unstructured free play during childhood and overall freedom during adolescence nowadays seems to result in trying to "reclaim" that exploration well into adulthood. Some people believe that unstructured free play leads to a noncommittal attitude towards life in general, but the opposite seems to be true. So much for linear thinking.
Very nice summary of the questions 20ST has about life. I feel very strongly that media (of all types) influence 20ST to be pursuing the wrong things. Life is so much easier when shared, behind every great man or woman there is likely a spouse that has helped them achieve more than they could do alone. The very foundations of future wealth and success are often set in the 20ST group if they apply themselves and learn skills that will help them throughout life. This is a great summary for 20ST to read and not preachy, not TLDR. If we could disengage the lie that college equals success we could avoid sending teenagers down a path of crippling debt that prevents them from achieving their best and most prosperous future.
Absolutely! Thank you for your thoughtful comment.
Re: college and student debt, I used to be a career coach for a university. It was sad to see how many students were graduating with $200K in debt and were never taught what kind of careers they could pursue - let alone relevant life skills.
Brilliant observations. I sent it to my 24-year-olds. We have generations paralyzed by endless options and terrified of making mistakes. There's a certain perfectionistic quality to this mindset that says, "until I can be 100% sure this will work, I'm not going to commit." The net result is a failure to commit and lack of resilience, leading them to jump ship whenever obstacles arise in hopes of finding something more 'perfect' when they land. Let's also not forget the value of investing (including in property) and limitations to starting a family too late in life. Biology and compounding interest win in the end.
Thank you John! I hope your children find it useful.
"Biology and compounding interest win in the end" - great way to put it.
Thank! You!
I'm 28.5, have been married for 6.5 years, and together, my husband and I have two sons, ages 4 and 2. That's a LOT of commitment.
The media screams at me every day that I've wasted the best years of my life. Do I choose to believe it? No. But I'm not going to lie; it's incredibly wearing. I have to actively remind myself that I've made good decisions, good will come of it, and that my happiness trajectory will likely be much more steeply upward than the vast majority of my peers as we all age.
And even now, the evidence supports that.
My husband and I have started six-plus businesses together, several of which have been successful, and they've now footed the bill for us to both pursue our dreams as an author (me) and a speaker (him.) We have the flexibility to support each other in ways other couples only dream of. We own a $460,000 home.
In our late twenties.
By all metrics, we are wildly, absolutely, insanely successful. We've struggled. We've sacrificed a ton. And it's so wonderful to be reminded (for once!) that not only is it all going to be worth it, but it's worth it NOW!
Thanks for all you do. Keep up the good work.
Thank you Caitee, I'm glad this provided some much-needed validation! My wife and I also started having children young, and indeed it is wearying. But we'll get to share many more years of life together!
Exactly! I'm very optimistic about my future, and the future of my family. Thank you for your post, and for everything else you do!
Thank you for expressing this crucial developmental point in a concise and friendly way. I'm 28.5 and experience intense daily anxiety as a result of flip-flopping between options since graduating from engineering school in 2019, which the pandemic contributed to, but ultimately it's a result of avoiding the discomfort of picking an imperfect option and persevering despite the unavoidable uncertainty and ambiguity. My life would be going much smoother if the value of commitment had been realized sooner but that didn't happen until I watched the excellent film The Worst Person In The World (highly recommended for readers in a similar boat) - the only way to learn properly is by making mistakes, for better or worse.
Best of luck to anyone else struggling to find a purpose amid daily distractions in the most overstimulating society in history
I'm sorry to hear about that anxiety, Philippe. I really appreciate you sharing this, I'm hopeful it will help others who are in similar shoes.
I also loved that movie!
The biggest problem here is that commitment is increasingly seen (and of course has long been seen) as a rigid binary, all or nothing, when it is really more of a spectrum in practice. That, and there is also a big difference between one's early 20s versus mid to late 20s.
Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with exploration per se, but there can indeed be too much of a good thing.
Interesting article. I would add that there seems to be an interesting paradox: the lack of unstructured free play during childhood and overall freedom during adolescence nowadays seems to result in trying to "reclaim" that exploration well into adulthood. Some people believe that unstructured free play leads to a noncommittal attitude towards life in general, but the opposite seems to be true. So much for linear thinking.